What’s Happened to Our Character?

I often wonder if what our kids are learning inside schools really makes a difference toward the outcomes we want for our world?

Don’t get me wrong, being able to read, write, and problem-solve are important skills everyone needs to possess – especially in this day and age. But when it comes to learning how to get along with other people, how to conduct yourself with others who you don’t necessarily see eye to eye, how to be nice without giving in to other’s point of view, I wonder if our young learners need as much time working on those skills as the three R’s?

I like to read and listen to David Brooks, the American moderate conservative commentator who writes for The New York Times and other media outlets. Recently, Brooks wrote an article for The Atlantic titled “How America Got Mean.” Brooks writes,

“I was recently talking with a restaurant owner who said that he had to eject a customer from his restaurant for rude or cruel behavior once a week – something that never used to happen. A head nurse at a hospital told me that many on her staff are leaving the profession because patients have become so abusive. At the far extreme of meanness, hate crimes rose in 2020 to their highest level in 12 years. Murder rates have been surging, at least until recently. Same with gun sales. Social trust is plummeting. In 2000, two-thirds of American households gave to charity; in 2018, fewer than half did. The words that define our age reek of menace: conspiracy, polarization, mass shootings, trauma, safe spaces.”

“We’re enmeshed in some sort of emotional, relational, and spiritual crisis, and it undergirds our political dysfunction and the general crisis of our democracy. What is going on?”

“Over the past few years, different social observers have offered different stories to explain the rise of hatred, anxiety, and despair.”

“The technology story: Social media is driving us all crazy.”

“The sociology story: We’ve stopped participating in community organizations and are more isolated.”

“The demography story: America, long a white-dominated nation, is becoming a much more diverse country, a change that has millions of white Americans in a panic.”

“The economy story: High levels of economic inequality and insecurity have left people afraid, alienated, and pessimistic.”

“I agree, to an extent, with all of these stories, but I don’t think any of them is the deepest one. Sure, social media has bad effects, but it is everywhere around the globe – and the mental-health crisis is not. Also, the rise of despair and hatred as engulfed a lot of people who are not on social media. Economic inequality is real, but it doesn’t fully explain this level of social and emotional breakdown. The sociologists are right that we’re more isolated, but why? What values lead us to choose lifestyles that make us lonely and miserable?”

“The most important story about why Americans have become sad and alienated and rude, I believe, is also the simplest: We inhabit a society in which people are no longer trained in how to treat others with kindness and consideration.”

…

“So the questions before us are pretty simple: How can we build morally formative institutions that are right for the 21^st century? What do we need to do to build a culture that helps people become the best versions of themselves?”

“A few necessities come immediately to mind.”

“A modern vision of how to build character.”

…

“The best modern approach to building character is described in Iris Murdoch’s book The Sovereignty of Good. Murdoch writes that ‘nothing in life is of any value except the attempt to be virtuous.’ For her, moral life is not defined merely by great deeds of courage or sacrifice in epic moments. Instead, moral life is something that goes on continually – treating people considerately in the complex situations of daily existence. For her, the essential moral act is casting a ‘just and loving’ attention to other people.”

…

“Mandatory social-skills courses.”

“Murdoch’s character-building formula roots us in the simple act of paying attention: Do I attend to you well? It also emphasizes that character is formed and displayed as we treat others considerately. This requires not just a good heart, but good social skills: how to listen well. How to disagree with respect. How to ask for and offer forgiveness. How to patiently cultivate a friendship. How to sit with someone who is grieving or depressed. How to be a good conversationalist.”

…

“A new core curriculum.”

“More and more colleges and universities are offering courses in what you might call ‘How to Live.’ Yale has one called ‘Life Worth Living.’ Notre Dame has one called ‘God and the Good Life.” A first-year honors program in this vein at Valparaiso University, in Indiana, involves not just conducting formal debates on ideas gleaned from the Great Books, but putting on a musical production based on their themes.”

…

“Intergenerational service.”

“We spend most of our lives living by the logic of the meritocracy: Life is an individual climb upward toward success. It’s about pursuing self-interest.”

“There should be at least two periods of life when people have a chance to take a sabbatical from the meritocracy and live by an alternative logic – the logic of service: You have to give to receive. You have to lose yourself in a common cause to find yourself. The deepest human relationships are gift relationships, based on mutual care.”

…

“Moral organizations.”

“Most organizations serve two sets of goals – moral goals and instrumental goals.”

…

“Moral renewal won’t come until we have leaders who are explicit, loud, and credible about both sets of goals. Here’s how we’re growing financially, but also Here’s how we’re learning to treat on another with consideration and respect; here’s how we’re going to forgo some financial returns in order to better serve our higher mission.”

…

“Politics as a moral enterprise.”

“An ancient brand of amoralism now haunts the world. Authoritarian-style leaders like Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, and Xi Jinping embody a kind of amoral realism. They evince a mindset that assumes that the world is a vicious, dog-eat-dog sort of place. Life is a competition to grab what you can. Force is what matters. Morality is a luxury we cannot afford, or merely a sham that elites use to mask their own lust for power. It’s fine to elect people who lie, who are corrupt, as long as they are ruthless bastards for our side. The ends justify the means.”

“Those of us who oppose these authoritarians stand, by contrast, for a philosophy of moral realism. Yes, of course people are selfish and life can be harsh. But over the centuries, civilizations have established rules and codes to nurture cooperation, to build trust and sweeten our condition. These include personal moral codes so we know how to treat one another well, ethical codes to help prevent corruption on the job and in public life, and the rules of the liberal world order so that nations can live in peace, secure within their borders.”

When I was a middle school principal, we decided to “teach” our young learners social skills. We spent 30 minutes a day practicing the lessons contained within a training manual created by Boys Town, the Nebraska-based Father Flanagan-inspired home for wayward young men. One of the lessons we covered was how to shake hands and greet someone eye-to-eye. Another was how to apologize when you hurt someone’s feelings.

There were naysayers who told me that “we were wasting valuable instructional time” by working on these types of social skills with our young learners. But what happened over the next few months was impressive. Our classroom discipline referrals decreased. Counselors reported that fewer kids seemed depressed. We saw an increase in student-created clubs and organizations. The kids really bought into, and eventually led, the school culture we adults desperately wanted to see.

I can’t help but think 30 minutes a day during today’s school time could create a different young learner over time. The challenge is that traditional school leadership have convinced themselves that any time used that isn’t focused on reading, writing, and problem-solving is time wasted.

It’s almost as if young learners need to leave school in order to spend time learning how to behave.

Til tomorrow. SVB