Middle School Priorities

When I was a middle school principal, we paid special attention to our middle school boys. It wasn’t the case we ignored our female students, but we knew that our young men, especially those who were black, brown, or poor, demanded extra care over the three years spent with us.

Recently, I came across a Ted Talk presented by Jerome Hunter, founder and chief academic officer of the Seattle School for Boys. Hunter discusses, among other things, three skills every middle school boy needs. Here are excerpts from Hunter’s Ted Talk:

“Whenever I tell people I work at a middle school, they often lean back and suck their teeth. It’s like they’re having a visceral reaction to the mere mention of those years, and it makes sense. Middle school is a time like no other. It’s when significant biological, neurological and emotional changes are happening all at the same time.”

…

“…I remember there was this one year, we were doing a get-to-know you activity where students would use old magazines to create collages representing who they were. And many of the collages had all of the things that typical middle schoolers like: the outdoors, sports, the latest fashion, the hottest shoes, you know, all the important stuff. However, there were some that were not exactly what I had in mind. A group of middle school boys created these collages that were comical, if not concerning. It was almost as if they had made templates of who they thought that they should be. Girls in bikinis, fast cars, professional wrestlers, first-person shooter video games. You get the idea. One collage actually had to have had at least 25 different images of Kim Kardashian.”

“And this wasn’t an isolated incident. Whether it was going down a somewhat sketchy YouTube rabbit hole or mindlessly indulging in meme culture, which we know can get really hairy really fast, I was noticing a pattern with my boys. Instead of chalking it up as mindless activities or typical middle school behavior, I decided to investigate…”

“…I brought the group together and I just said, ‘Does it have to be this way?’ Their collective light bulbs lit up, realizing that they could reject this version of masculinity. And at the same time, I too had an ‘aha’ moment. It became clear to me that middle school boys are so impressionable and so full of potential. But what if I told you those same middle school boys could lead us to a more just and equitable society by redefining masculinity?”

“Now in the days and week that followed, I continued to reflect on this idea. What actually is masculinity? If we reject the gender binary and affirm people of all genders, how does masculinity fit into that? What are the expectations of masculinity when it comes to race, class and other social factors?”

“I knew that middle school is fertile ground for this work. And my reflection led me to identify three critical skills that middle schoolers can practice to redefine masculinity. I call them the three C’s. The first one is confidence, the second is communication, and the third is community. Now these three C’s stand as the pillars of my school to show people that middle schoolers can redefine masculinity.”

“Now number one, confidence is essential to teach in middle school. Students are exploring their identities, and they’re more open to abstract thinking. I believe that having a healthy and balanced confidence allows boys to feel good about who they are rather than feeling uncomfortable for trying to be someone they’re not. It’s different than simply being praised or rewarded for achievements but rather rooted in a deep sense of self. And so what my school does it move away from either-or thinking. Instead of boys believing that they have to choose between being smart or athletic, poetic or pragmatic, we guide our boys to a more holistic version of masculinity that includes both-and. And as Bell Hooks and Olga Silverstein said, we need men who are empathetic and strong; autonomous and connected; responsible to self, friends, family, to community; and capable of understanding how those responsibilities are ultimately inseparable…”

“The second C represents communication. Now communication is key. To counter the messages that society tells boys to constrict their emotions, my school practices a variety of communication methods, both intrapersonally and interpersonally. Now intrapersonally is how you communicate with yourself, and interpersonally is how you communicate with others. One example of our intrapersonal communication methods is we’ll have students arrive at their desks at the beginning of the day. They’ll close their eyes, breathe evenly for about a minute so they can just check in with themselves, see how they’re doing, what they’re thinking, how they’re feeling. It allows them to put a frame around their thoughts and emotions so they can focus on it a little more deeply through the day…”

“Now the third C represents community, to counter this false sense of individualism and having to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. While we also know that there is great value in teaching our boys the importance of independence, it can be stymied when taken to an extreme. And so what we do is we engage in an inquiry process where we observe what’s going on in our communities, either locally, nationally or globally, and then pose an essential question. One year we posed an essential question to our students that asked, ‘How can we create a community where everyone feels a sense of belonging?’…”

“One thing to note that in each of these three C’s the adults involved modeled this new version of masculinity to prove to students that they don’t have to fit into a stereotype. And while I’m impressed by the vulnerability and kindness of each of my students, it’s still a middle school. It’s this liminal space between childhood and adulthood. And amongst our sophisticated conversations, there’s a lot of nonsensical humor. And very few of them have taken up regular usage of deodorant.”

…

What Hunter and his school is working on with the three C’s is similar to the work we did with our middle school boys when I was their principal. But, when we did this type of work, we always felt as though district leadership thought the work was taking away from test prep, or getting kids ready to take the state high-stakes test. Thankfully, our school was able to do both – work to improve our middle school boys (and girls) and their understanding of masculinity and femininity and score high on the state test.

But many schools can’t seem to do both, so it begs the question – initially, what is more important to work on with a middle school student? Their understanding of themselves, their community, and their world? Or passing a test?

I think we all know the answer, right?

Til tomorrow. SVB