Eating Alone

Part of the problem with the traditional school system is that it has prioritized efficiency over effectiveness – even though the system isn’t that efficient.

The traditional school system struggles with effectiveness, especially when it comes to building relationships between all students and the adults who serve them. The system depends on schools that are sometimes just too big to allow those types of relationships to build.

A new learning system would benefit all young learners by creating spaces where building relationships were a priority, or, in other words, create a day when no one eats alone.

Reasons to be Cheerful online published an article this week that shared a story about a national movement that is working on just that – working with the traditional school system so that no kid eats alone during the school day. Michaela Haas, a Reasons to be Cheerful contributing editor, writes,

“Laura Talmus felt helpless when her then-11-year-old daughter Lili kept calling her from school in tears. ‘It’s pretty nerve-racking when you’re getting phone calls from your daughter who’s just crying and begging you to come pick her up from school,’ Talmus remembers. ‘The lunch breaks were the hardest.’ After trying some interventions in the school with little success, Talmus and her husband Ace Smith eventually decided to homeschool Lili with private tutors.”

“Lili Rachel Smith was born with Apert syndrome, a rare genetic condition that made her look different and contributed to her feeling invisible and left out at school. According to her mom, she was not bullied by her classmates and did have some friends. ‘But in the sixth grade, the kids sent the message by turning their backs in the cafeteria to let her know she wasn’t welcome to join them at their table,’ Laura Talmus says, describing what she calls ‘the terrible social atmosphere’ at the school. ‘Lili spent most lunch breaks hiding in the library or the bathroom stalls, eating lunch by herself.’”

“After her daughter passed away from medical complications in her sleep at age 15 in 2009, Talmus put together a video celebrating her life. When she showed the video, Lili’s classmates were shocked to realize how isolated Lili had felt, and Talmus understood that a lot of kids felt disconnected like her daughter had: ‘I was absolutely blown away when I saw how many kids raised their hands and wanted to talk about how they felt isolated.’”

“The next year, Talmus, a professional fundraiser, and her husband channeled their grief into forming Beyond Differences, a nonprofit that focuses on raising awareness about social isolation in youth and providing solutions. Since that time, the need has only become more clear: U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy raised the alarm last year when a study found rates of loneliness reported among young adults have risen every year for more than a decade. Teenagers spent nearly 70 percent less time hanging out with friends in person in 2020 than they did in 2003 (down from 150 minutes a day two decades ago to 40 minutes a day). The study notes that the COVID-19 pandemic accelerated the trend.”

“Talmus believes the social isolation her daughter experienced is affecting students all over the country and contributing to serious health issues, mental health problems, suicide and school violence: ‘They have trouble connecting, trouble feeling safe.’ Beyond Differences started with Lili’s school and four other schools in California’s Marin County, where the family lives, but has now grown to reach over one million students in all 50 states.”

[Tomorrow]…February 16, 2,500 schools in all 50 states will participate in No One Eats Alone Day, a day of action created by Beyond Differences that encourages fifth through eighth graders to mingle, make new friends and become more aware and proactive about social isolation, especially at lunch.”

…

“With support form the New York City Department of Education, 10 New York schools measured the impact of No One Eats Alone in 2019 and found that key indicators, including ‘awareness of social isolation, frequency students intervened when they saw social isolation, student leadership, youth voice, and social emotional learning all increased significantly from beginning to end-of-year for seventh grade students who attended three or more Beyond Differences events.’’

“One principal quoted in the study says: ‘Beyond Differences has made an impact on our school community and fostered more student voice. Students are more aware that they can intervene when bullying issues come up in the school, and they are also more careful about using technology in a positive manner.’”

“Two other programs, Know Your Classmates and Be Kind Online complement the lunch initiative. Classes can start in the fall with the Know Your Classmates program, which creates activities to help kids eliminate barriers to getting to know one another and understand others’ cultures, identifies online behavior that leads to social isolation and creates opportunities for kids to engage positively with one another,’ Talmus explains.”

“Talmus is convinced that the pandemic lockdowns made the initiatives more needed than ever. ‘I do believe that children are feeling less safe,’ she says, and refers to a recent study that found 71 percent of children are still struggling with the return to school since the lockdowns. ‘There is absolutely no easy place in America for children to be growing up right now.’”

“There is absolutely no easy place in America for children to be growing up right now.”

What an indictment toward our current public school system. And what a mandate to begin thinking about a better system of learning – a system and a place that puts the social and emotional well-being at the forefront for all of our young learners.

Til tomorrow. SVB